i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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