I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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