I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
