Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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