every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
