I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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