Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
