I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
