hell yes lets make some ravioli
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
