This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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