I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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