the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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