God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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