i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
