I puked a lego.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
