dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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