it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
