too bad you live with your parents still
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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