Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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