Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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