The maid of honor just puked.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
