STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
