i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Randomize
