I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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