i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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