i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
