I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
my god I love twenty year old dicks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
