im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
