You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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