New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
