Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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