so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
