He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
