I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
