I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
