Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
