grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
