I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
