try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
