Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
