does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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