Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
