please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
