the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
