Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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