i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Two words: nipple clamps
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