We won't sleep together?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
