those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
