Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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