he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
